I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
