scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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