i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
