The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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