I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
