I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I am mentally ready for anal.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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