Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
