omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
