Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
