I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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