Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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