wat bout pragnant strippers??
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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