the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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