Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
40s are totally the cure
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
