well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
