He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Everyone says I win the strip club
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
