the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
