how can u be prego again
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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