I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
