Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
