the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
