why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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