just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
