So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
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dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
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You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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