the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Randomize
