he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
