sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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