If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
