good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize