whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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