Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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