If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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