Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize