Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize