Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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