i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
