In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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