Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
