I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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