i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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