a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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