people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
