he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
