I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
