Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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