you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
