I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
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Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
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This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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