Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
