i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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