okay pat passed out under dana's car
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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