chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
