He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We talked him into tasing himself.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
