you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
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I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
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Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize