I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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