Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.