found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Less talking, more tequila
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism