if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"