apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
