we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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