So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
What a dumb baby whore.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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