how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
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in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
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I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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