who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I AM VODKA MAN
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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