Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
