I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
