just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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