My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
