like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
