And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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