I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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