You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Randomize
