I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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