i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
