we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
