just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
