Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
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Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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