I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
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i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
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Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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