If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
