I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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