Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
